Cookie Clicker

Hello there friend/acquaintance/stranger/person who has accidentally clicked on my review website rather than the surrounding links that have slightly more explicit content (delete as applicable)! I bet you’ve been wondering where I’ve been, eh? Let me enlighten you – I’ve been right here! That said, I’ve been busy. Uni is picking up as third year rattles on, so I’ve had less time to write on here. Strangely however, I have had time to pick up a new addiction, in the form of Cookie Clicker. Well, I haven’t become addicted, but it sounds more dramatic, doesn’t it? Well, it doesn’t, but whatever, I didn’t have a better segue. Let’s get into it.

Cookie Clicker. Cookie Clicker. What are you expecting? I would put a poll here, but I really doubt that I could make it funny. This is Cookie Clicker.

Mmmmmmm...version 1.0383...

Mmmmmmm…version 1.0383…

It’s absolutely ridiculous, that is a third of the screen. It’s a cookie. You click on it. This is going to be a short one.

Clicking on the cookie, for some reason, gives you a cookie. These cookies are then used to buy upgrades which increase your cookie flow, starting simple with an autoclicker and grandmas who bake for you; culminating in antimatter condensers which will bring in a substantial flow of chocolatey goodness. There are also achievements, which will unlock milk, which also boosts your CPS (cookies per second). You can reset your game, which retains your achievements, and may add heavenly cookies, which also raise your CPS. There are upgrades, which may simply boost the production power of your factories, or may cause the grandmas to become part of a demonic cult which requires frequent tributes to keep pleased. These, of course, come in the form of cookies. For something I expected to spend five minutes on, it is surprisingly fleshed out. I tend not to actually click, and just let the game do it’s work – I’ve pretty much given up as of late, but at last check, I had 90% of the achievements and was on a lifetime total of 914,646,286,590,173 and counting (note: that image above came shortly prior to me importing my save). I don’t know why I told you that – I guess I just had to get a humble-brag in there somewhere. I’m sure there are people in the…I dunno…googols of cookies out there, but as I don’t know you, I’ll pretend I’m the best in the world.

Right, that densely packed paragraph over, I’ll conclude this bite-sized chunk of Maryland-esque goodness. Umm, that being this review. I may not have covered everything, but I want an early night. Apologies. Yeah, so, if you have a compulsive personality, this may not be for you. Wait, that sounds too negative; let me say – I’m not sure if I’ve given a positive impression of the game over the course of this – I want to be clear of any of these “idling” games, this is by far the best I’ve played. Owing to its simplicity and constant stream of rewards, this has the potential to outdo the Candy Crush Sagas and FarmVilles (is it 2008 again?) of the world in terms of addictivity, which is a frightening prospect. Still, for a little time waster, it’s definitely worth a bash! With constant updates in a new beta version of the game – one that I refuse to start – there’s likely always something new to do. I wouldn’t know. That said, check it out and let me know how it goes. I’m just sorry if you lose your job due to it.


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