Machete

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. As much as these reviews are completely different from what I would write now, I feel I have to bring them over. It doesn’t feel right just abandoning them, and it gives you guys a chance to see what I’ve written in the past. Also, there are only three or four reviews left to bring over, it’ll be all new content like The Shining coming after this. This was originally published on the 28th of May, 2011. I just hope you can stick with it long enough to see something better; until then, while not the best review I’ve done, you get a film I still love, Machete.

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Machete. I had no idea what to expect here at all. I hadn’t seen Grindhouse or the trailer for this. I wasn’t even entirely sure what genre it was. I had heard good things so I took a gamble on this. All I knew was that it was going to be a bit of a gore fest. But it’s so much more than that.

Pretty much the whole experience was new to me. To my knowledge, I’ve never seen a film with Danny Trejo in before; I’ve definitely become a fan now. I don’t think I’ve really watched any B movie, exploitation style films before either but I’m looking forward to the sequels coming too. I’m sat here praising the film, but I haven’t even spoke about it yet.

Right, from the offset, this film is not going to be for everyone. There is gratuitous violence in this. If that offends you, then there’s not really much point reading on. It’s not the Hostel sort of violence, more comedic with each bullet shot unleashing a torrent of blood that cascades down walls like water. However, this all fits into the style of it. There is a grainy effect on the screen and an announcer at the beginning and the end. There are moments of comedy, romance, thrilling and chilling. It’s got a bit of everything. I’m not going into the story too much because I don’t want to ruin it, although it’s not exactly complex, no delicate plot twists, just 105 minutes of action.

The audio is good too. There’s no real soundtrack to it, but the dialogue is just expert, in my limited experience it’s similar to the sort of thing that would have been heard in the original B movies from the 80s. It’s full of clichés but it’s hilarious all the way though.

[Note: The original review contained the original film poster. Of course that’s gone now. I wish I could keep it in, just because of the line mentioned in the caption]

Come on. You want to see this don’t you? “They just messed with the wrong Mexican”! Worth seeing just because of that line!

I’d be remiss to neglect talking about the cast. Danny Trejo as the title character is just completely believable in the role. He’s a complete bad ass, but he sort of shows emotion. He does but he doesn’t. I can’t explain it, me saying it has caused such a contradiction I’ll leave it there. He’s bad ass though, that’s for sure

There’s a whole host of attractive females in it too. Jessica Alba as an immigrations officer, Michelle Rodriguez as the leader of the revolution and Lindsay Lohan as a nun with a gun. I won’t say anything else but they all look pretty fine and put on great performances throughout. Most films I can pick someone out who doesn’t do such a great job, but there’s really no one that doesn’t play their part here.

Robert De Niro. A fantastic actor to be sure. I’ve never really seen him in this sort of role, of course he’s been a villain before (Cape Fear anyone?) but I think this is a great part for him and he played it to perfection.

The rest of the cast is great too. Steven Seagal, Jeff Fahey and horror icon Tom Savini among many more all do a great job. I think I’ve covered most of the bases here. I’ll give the scores now!

Audio: I’ve already covered this at the beginning, but I like the dialogue a lot. I laughed a lot throughout. I’m probably being generous but I don’t care. Just awesome. 80/100

Visuals: The almost cartoon effects are just incredible and hark back to a simpler time. I’d assume it gives a nostalgic feeling to those who watched them at the time and even does to me who didn’t. Again, I loved it, just awesome. 80/100

Story: The story is a great idea. A former Mexican Federale who wants to do good in the world, but in a completely unconventional fashion. At least I think that’s what it was about! The story has a lot more depth than it first appears, and I’m looking forward to the sequels, Machete Kills and Machete Kills Again. For the third time, it’s just awesome. 90/100

Overall: Just awesome! This film is incredible, the overall score is 83/100!

I really wanted to review something bad so I didn’t continually give out really good scores. That said, I had to get this out while my viewing was still fresh. It’s great. Anyone who isn’t offended by this type of film should definitely check it out. Just remember…Machete don’t text!

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