WWE Raw, 17/01/2011

Alright, I didn’t see this one coming. I was just browsing YouTube and saw a link to an old episode of Raw. Since my Money In The Bank 2011 review has been the most successful one I’ve reuploaded, I thought I should just go for it and see what the reaction is. Let’s get into it!

This episode aired on Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, and had a nice little video package for him at the beginning. Not being American, I was ignorant to this being a holiday, as it’s not in the UK, but I’m completely for it, the man did a lot of good and it’s great that it’s being acknowledged here.

The show kicks of with Cena, and a recap of him being attacked by the New Nexus. That was such an awful stable, they managed to ruin everything good about the original, even with the addition of Punk. It just didn’t fit. Cena has some New Year’s resolutions to take care of: beat CM Punk, get a copy of Reggie’s Prayer (which I now know is a film about a retired American football player who coaches a highschool football team and befriends a troubled student (thanks IMDb!)), win the Royal Rumble and win the WWE Championship at WrestleMania. He invites Punk out and gets The Miz. Michael Cole is in his Miz-fetish period here. Direct quote:

The Miz! With his apprentice Alex Riley, boy, do they look good tonight?!

I didn’t realise that was why he liked him so much. Miz says “really?” a few times. This was old back then. I’m beginning to regret starting this review. Miz keeps talking. Pro-Cena crowd, which always surprises me at the beginning of the night. Ahh, this was the year of the 40-man Royal Rumble, which I believe Del Rio won. I may be wrong. Miz is trying to be intimidating. Unintentional comedy may be his forté. I don’t hate him, but this isn’t all that fun to watch. John Cena is reeling off insults that literally mean nothing, but it seems to be working.

Alex Riley’s a chicken McNugget that carries a choo-choo train in a briefcase.

No idea. Huge “Jerry” chant. I skipped a bit, that didn’t just happen for no reason. Bit of back and forth, but nothing notable. 10 minutes in and I’ve written all of this. This is going to be longer than I had hoped, apologies in advance. Miz said he can outwrestle the best technicians in WWE history. I’m not going to say anything.

When it looks like something is going to happen, CM Punk and the New Nexus turn up. He still has “This Fire Burns” at this point, so it’s before I really got into him. This is probably about half a year before the Pipebomb promo (which I have *plug* annotated on Rap Genius!) He’s taking the Miz’s (that looks wrong) side, which shocks me for some reason. Not sure why. Punk believes he’ll win the Royal Rumble, as the New Nexus are just in it to help him win. Husky Harris (now the fantastic Bray Wyatt), Michael McGillicutty (now the Paul Heyman guy Curtis Axel, or Joe Hennig, or whatever you want to call him) and Otunga (now seemingly M.I.A.) attack Cena but are soon thwarted by…Kozlov and Santino. Didn’t see that coming. They were Tag Team Champions at this point, so that gives them some credibility, I suppose. I always liked Kozlov, I was sad when he got the boot. The action has amounted to about five seconds in 15 minutes. They regroup and attack again, with Punk this time. The anonymous Raw GM beeps. This is annoying.

Kozlov and Santino take on The Usos. Tamina is with the former, the latter are angry about this. Nothing special, a bit of back and forth before Kozlov hits a headbutt and the Cobra strikes for the Tag Team Champions to retain.

New Nexus are talking. Punk turns up. He says “Faith!” Nothing happens.

John Morrison is here with his jacket. Daniel Bryan is here with the US Championship and the Bellas. I’m envious of both of them.

Video package for Morrison plays which means we miss his awesome entrance. Daniel Bryan comes down with his gyals. This should be alright. They both roll around for a while before Bryan misses a baseball slide and they both return to the ring. It goes to an advert. That was…odd. They come back to nothing much. Morrison goes for Starship Pain shortly after the return, but misses. Bryan kicks his head. That always looks painful. They both go for a running crossbody and hit each other. They’re trying to make it even, I’d say it makes it boring. Morrison flips out of a German Suplex, and they begin trading multiple reversals each. Bryan can’t get the LaBelle Lock in, and Morrison slingshots him and hits a flash kick and a running knee to Bryan’s head to pick up the win. They shake hands. King Sheamus arrives and mouths off at both men. Just a generic “I’m going to win the Royal Rumble promo”, with added “I’m going to eliminate you two”. Long live the king? That wasn’t going to catch on, was it fella?

I’m going to be honest, I can’t watch this anymore. I’m going to put it up anyway, as I’ve tortured myself for 36 minutes and I’m not letting that go to waste. Sorry if you expected something good; I may finish this sometime in the future, but for now, take an unfinished review as a sign that this show is not recommended at all. In fact, I have no idea why anyone would be watching a show from 2011 anyway, but if you ever thought about it, don’t do it. I was going to do this week’s episode, but I’m put off it completely now. If I didn’t enjoy a Bryan/Morrison match, something is wrong. Check out my Money In The Bank review, I know it’s a PPV, but that’s how you do a show. Keep that in mind WWE. Don’t worry, my next scheduled post doesn’t end abruptly a third of the way through.

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